Holy Sh*t, That Was One Horrible First Week with Trump

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I am the outspoken feminist that Pat Robertson warned you about.

Trump started the first week of the disaster that is his presidency by getting into a pissing match with the media about the size of his….crowds. This time it was crowds, folks. (But actually it’s really about the other thing, as we all know.) After that, he apparently just found a spot to sit and someone gave him what I can only assume is a miniature crayon to fit his tiny hands* so he could just sit there while people slid over horrifying executive order after horrifying executive order which he signed with glee while maniacally laughing. Okay, so it didn’t quite go down that way but Trump and his administration made so many terrifying decisions during the first week, it left most of our heads spinning. Every day was some new fresh hell and you didn’t know whether to cry or go burn down Trump tower.

Although a lot of Trump’s supporters were not convinced (“Oh, he’s just kidding. He won’t do that, trust me.”) that he was going to follow through on his Nazi-esque plans if he was elected president, I actually assumed that he would do exactly what he said he would do only because his more outrageous plans get everyone talking. It puts him in the limelight so I assumed that the wilder and more horrible the campaign promise, the more likely that that shit was happening like two days after Trump was inaugurated and boom! We’ve got a fucking ridiculous wall we now have to buy Trump, immigration bans, a reinstatement of the global gag rule which affects reproductive rights globally, higher mortgages for first time homeowners, the Dakota Access Pipeline is now moving forward, and we’re all supposed to pretend like global warming isn’t happening. I mean, dayum! How did so much bullshit happen in one week? Because this:

You better get this Harry Potter reference. I mean, come on? Umbridge and her decrees? Remember?

Trump isn’t proposing legislation. He’s just using his tiny crayon to sign things and get what he wants which is ironic because the GOP did nothing but criticize President Obama for using executive orders too much saying that he was acting like a king or a dictator. Hmmm, where have I heard that recently? Who’s a dictator? Maybe people should keep in mind that President Obama’s very first executive order that he signed was to restore transparency to Presidential records. George Bush had passed an executive order that was shady as shit and prevented people from being able to access nearly any presidential records. Obama overturned that order in an effort to be more transparent. This is important because cut to today when there is literally no chance of transparency at all.

Perhaps the most concerning thing that’s going on right now is the attempted suppression of the resistance by controlling the media. If we don’t know what’s happening, how can we react to it? When you have Trump banning federal employees from tweeting and the administration removes all references to global warming, gay folks, and the Spanish language pages from the White House website, you can see how the internet and the media are being used to erase topics we care about and even whole populations of the marginalized. All of this reshaping and remolding of the information and Kellyanne Conway’s assertion that alternative facts means something other than lying, puts us in the position where we have literally no idea what lengths our government will go to to get what they want. They are not above lying to us. They are not above gaslighting us. All of this manipulation of the media and attempted manipulation of the public’s thoughts and feelings has 1984 by George Orwell back on the best-seller list. I mean, what? Did you ever think we would literally be living in the book 1984? Well, we are.

And the comparisons don’t end there. Holocaust Remembrance Day was this week and proving that he literally is pure, unfiltered evil, Trump took the tiny crayon out and signed a ban on refugees. ON HOLOCAUST REMEMBRANCE DAY. Let that sink in for just a minute. As Jewish people have been saying since Trump become a viable candidate for the presidency, there’s a direct comparison here between Nazi ideas and Trump’s Xenophobic ideas about virtually anyone outside the U.S. but particularly about refugees and Arab folks. The Washington Post pointed out that Anne Frank herself was denied entry to the U.S. as a refugee. It’s not as though Anne Frank’s life was any more valuable than the lives of anyone else we lost during the Holocaust but she is a powerful symbol, a way for people to really understand the horror of the Holocaust because they could connect with her through her words and her image. She is a sympathetic character and no different from any Syrian refugee attempting to flee war.

To top it all off, Trump did an interview this week, his first since being inaugurated. Poor David Muir drew the short straw and had to go to the White House and sit down with Trump to ask him big boy questions only to get a mess of rambling incoherent nonsense and a slew of adjectives for the word “big”. I know that Trump is essentially stomping around the White House like a giant toddler demanding to sign stuff but it’s even harder when you listen to him try to sound like an intelligent human being and really all he can come up with is this:

DAVID MUIR: Let me ask you, has the magnitude of this job hit you yet?

PRESIDENT TRUMP: It has periodically hit me. And it is a tremendous magnitude. And where you really see it is when you’re talking to the generals about problems in the world. And we do have problems in the world. Big problems. The bigness also hits because the — the size of it. The size.

It was a rough first week, guys, and it ain’t going to get much better any time soon but let’s talk about some of the good stuff that happened this week because, frankly, I’m bumming myself out. First of all, we learned that our National Parks are run by a bunch of badass patriots. Thank you, National Park people, for being awesome. The rogue twitter accounts have now expanded into other federal employees. This is important because every time a brave federal employee speaks out against Trump, it undermines him. It also enrages him. There are a lot of theories right now that Trump’s undoing is simply resisting him to the point that he loses it and completely unravels due to anger. We also have Green Peace to thank for this little bit of awesome:

And we’ve still got Bernie Sanders, whom I heard refer to Trump multiple times as “Mr. Trump” instead of President Trump the other night on CNN. Good for you, Bernie, he doesn’t deserve to be called President. Bernie has been out there rallying the troops, resisting like crazy, and just being our beacon of hope now that Barack and Michelle are taking a break from the spotlight.

Trump puts away the miniature crayon for the weekends. He’s likely busy having a playdate with Putin anyway so we can probably rest easy for the weekend. New game starts Monday. Buckle up.



*Many feminists have raised concerns about Trump being mocked for his small hands. I assure you that the reason that I mentioned it in this article was not because I actually think Trump has small hands (because what are small hands anyway?) nor do I think it means anything if someone does have small hands. More importantly, it seems to annoy Trump and given what a wretched human being he is, it’s enjoyable to mess with him. However, many feminists believe that the small hands comments contribute to the larger issue of body shaming and for that reason, we will not make reference to it after this article due to feedback from readers.