Remember that You are Not Difficult to Love

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Reclaiming space one article at a time.

Hey bae reading this. I’m the validation angel here to remind you that you are whole, amazing and worthy of love. If you’ve ever had your heartbroken or were rejected, this is for you. This is also for you if you have friends going through heartache or rejection and want to know how to support them.

In my 20 something years of living, from general experience and counseling experience, I have yet to see something break someone down more than love. I grew up with very distant parents, and so love wasn’t a thing I knew so easily. And as I struggled to understand how a construct, love, could have such empowering effects on a human being, I found myself learning through others’ love. I was obsessed with understanding what it meant, and how it manifested itself. I’m not entirely sure a definition exists for it, but I know it means something different for everyone. I once read that love is like a drug, and for every person I knew losing their loves, the withdrawal was something similar to that of someone recovering from addiction. There was the emotional symptoms, depression, anxiety, insomnia, restlessness, and the physical, nausea, tightness of chest, and difficulty breathing.

Now, what kind of medicine can heal a broken heart? Although you can treat the symptoms, the real healing can only come from you. It comes from recognizing your strength and admitting to yourself that you are worthy of every inch of love. You deserve it. There will be days where you’ll wonder what you did wrong, what made you difficult to keep, difficult to love. You’ll dig through every memory, swear that if you find it, you’ll destroy it, and you tell yourself they will come back, they will love you. But what kind of love was it anyway if you’re okay with destroying a piece of yourself for it?

I get it. It’s hard to let go. The memories, the conversations, the gifts, the years, they were an investment. I know it’s hard to get up everyday, knowing the person you love is not there for you, with you, or a text away. I know it’s hard to find solace in these words, and that’s okay too. It will take everything out of you. There are times where you’ll listen to a song that reminds you of that person, and you’ll find yourself crying in the middle of target. That’s okay too. It’s hard. It’s okay to recognize that it’s taking a lot out of you. It’s okay to recognize that you’re sad as hell and nothing but that person will make it better. It may take months, or years to move on, but give yourself the time you need.

The point of this is not to bash your ex-partner, or the person you like/love, especially if the relationship may have just drifted apart, but to make it about you. This is your time to fall in love with yourself again. This is your time to remember that you are bad ass, deserving, and capable of anything. This is the time to remind yourself that one person can’t stop you from reaching your goals. That although it is hard now, there will be better days. That everything will one day fall into place and you won’t have to look back and wonder why it took you so long to realize it. And even if it does take you long, it was all part of the process. Healing doesn’t happen in one day and it may not for another month or another year.

There are times where I’ve seen individuals seek rehab, relapse, seek rehab again, relapse, and get back to rehab. There is so much strength in getting back up after taking so many steps back. It’s a process and some days will be better than others. Devote time to yourself, scream and cry, stay in bed longer than usual, and don’t feel guilty for days when you are unable to move. A friend once said, “we survive by any means necessary”. I promise you’ll survive the heartbreak. I promise you’ll survive the rejection and I promise you’ll make it out better than ever. You are not difficult to love.